The Mask

Since I was a kid, I have always loved writing. Writing came naturally to me. It was a way for me to express myself, or create a work of art, a collection of ideas and voicing them outloud was way more difficult for me than writing them. To this day, I am able to express how I really feel in writing way better than speaking. I have always WANTED to start a blog but the idea of it, the commitment, the content creation aspect, the HOW was scary to me.

But it feels like the TIME is now and even if I am still clueless on how to actually create a blog, I’m going for it !

So if you are here, reading this, supporting me, do bear with me ! This will be a learning process for us all but I do hope that I can share some intimate thoughts, lessons, struggles and victories that will help other people !

My vision for this blog is still not FULLY clear YET. But my HOPE is that someone will read what I share, will feel comfort in knowing that how they feel is not unique, and that my lessons will help others have their own!

So here goes !

*********

Do you ever feel like the things you do, the words you say, the image you portray, the goals you have, the presentation you make about you and your life feel FAKE ?!?! Like you are wearing a mask ? Like you are trying consciously or unconsciously to be SOMETHING that you truly aren’t deep inside?

I think from a small age, most of us grew up with an expectation of what we SHOULD look like, act like, what our life SHOULD be like, and whether it was because of the influence of our parents, peers, society, magazine images, tv, whatever, we had a belief of what was NORMAL. We either made a decision consciously or not, to fit that NORMAL or to reject it.

I can remember being in middle school, and feeling like I had to get a certain pair of shoes, or a certain brand of clothing to FIT in. I can remember being in high school and feeling like I had to act a certain way to be popular or for boys to like me. I can remember being in college and CLEARLY feeling like I had to look and act a certain way to be ‘accepted’ into the cool crowd.

I also unconsciously believed until way into my adult life, that I was supposed to get good grades, get into a good college, get a great job, get married, have kids, and then live happily ever after. THIS was the life ! This was the AMERICAN dream! THIS was the way life was supposed to be!

Luckily or not, for me, that’s how my life ended up. I worked super hard to get good grades, get a good education, get into a great college, excel in college, then get a great job. For many years, I loved it. As I worked harder, I was rewarded. I got advancements and increased pay and increased responsibility.

But then MOM life happened. If you are a mom, you know that mom life ain’t easy!! You have all these hopes and dreams and ideas and visions for this perfect little life with your child and husband and it turns out nothing like that !?!?!?

I’ll save the stories for another post 🙂 If you already follow me, you know part of my journey with motherhood and postpartum anxiety and depression. If you are new to reading this, hang in here, I’ll be sharing more soon!

What I am trying to say is that often what we THINK we want, we get it, and end up finding out the reality is NOTHING like what we envisioned!

For years, I felt like I was wearing a mask. I was pretending to LOVE my life, to love my job, to love being a mom, to love the american dream, and deep inside, I was so unfulfilled.

I share publicly often how unfulfilled I felt in a corporate job and the American dream life, but I haven’t shared so much the truth in how I feel about being a mom, or how I still struggle with anxiety at times, or how I am still seeking to find the TRUE meaning of what makes ME happy!

For so many years, THIS MASK, covered up who I felt I was supposed to be. For so many years, I felt the MASK was protecting me, was validating me, was who people wanted to see from me, WHO others LOVED.

But the more and more time passes, the more I dig into my own personal growth, the more I allow my own intuition to guide me, the more I see and feel that the MASK needs to come off! The MASK is just fear. The MASK is just a cover so that the TRUE person doesn’t have to face rejection. The MASK is a protective mechanism that has been used for wayyyyy to long. The MASK is shielding ME from the truth !

SO, my mission with this blog, is to share with others, as I remove the mask in areas of my life that I feel are still being shielded, to show that you too can do this, to heal, to inspire, to discover, and to empower myself and others to TRULY live in their light and authenticity !

Stay tuned for more to come!!

Leia xoxo